2/8/20 - Health challenges:
First I am so sorry to hear of your circumstances...this must be really scary. Second, reaching out to other members of the fellowship is the right thing to do, so props to you for courage. I have had a major life threatening health challenge. I am in the USA but was in the county clinic system of my home state. First, I was resentful at the system I was in, and that I was not rich enough to just pay out of pocket for whatever treatment I could get right away. I was also very scared about what would become of me. It really helped me to write a mini 4th step regarding everything I resented and feared about my situation. Took it to the prayers of the steps - especially asking God to show me what would be genuinely helpful in the situation and ask God to save me from anger, fear, inertia or self-medication over this. I reviewed what I wrote and gave it away to a DA member. (5th step) I knew I could not "Will" myself to just quit fretting or wanting to self medicate over all of my worries. I went through the 6th and 7th step prayers to have God remove my character defects as well. This allowed me to clear my head enough to ask for some help - I had a couple of health care PRG's and gained the clarity to fill out a number of applications (18 all told) to see what exactly I was eligible for. I made a number of calls that resulted in getting me moved up in the waiting line for certain services. I am aware that each country, state, county and city are different. But with DA members' help and doing step work with prayers I got enough clarity to get through the bureaucracy and obtain accurate information about what resources were available to me. And it really tamed my urge to just throw up my hands and self medicate, which I know would never be helpful. Wish I could reach across the internet and hug you. love love love and prayers to you dear one. Sending you love and blessings and pulling for you.
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3/22/20 - Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over debting – that our lives have become unmanageable.
I notice, in these weird times, that I feel so powerless and unmanageable, so off the deep end and just so scared. I renewed my commitment to get on the daily morning call LIVE more often. I LOVE hearing from new and longer time SSDA members who are also returning. I feel like we can take turns talking to each other off the crazy and that comforts me. Although I was determined to only buy a week of groceries, I did buy more and spend more on food, and then, I had no appetite and was not eating it. I have joined an action group formed in my face to face community and each week we each take a quick share of what we do to keep our heads in the game. My take-away was: keep to a health-ful routine of self care. Take a nightly 10th step and try my best before sleeping to let go of any resentment, FEAR or harm that came up, each day as I went along. Also to investigate more digital ways of staying in touch, and just call more family and friends.
A victory - my counselor and my physical therapist are treating me via teleconference or streaming video. And a face to face DA meeting organized a "ZOOM" teleconference meeting, while some members met face to face, as our 12 step meeting building manager is keeping it open. I have enjoyed all the links to entertainment and zoo and museum tours to watch virtually.
And: just for this day I am grateful that I have food to eat and a place to sleep and I will ask for help if that goes away.
Posting Sharing of ESH Encouraged - off to actually eat some of the food I bought LOL
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7/3/21 - Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Today I was doing some step work with a fellow DA member. I asked, what about Topic 2 would they like to share? The member said what struck them was that question: What does the pamphlet say about trying to understand why we debt? They went on to share that they had lots of other types of help, trying to understand the "Why's”, but never quit debting. That was my experience as well. I tried and tried for years to "understand" my debting and myself but it never helped me quit.
Today, after being sponsored by some members with good experience, I realized that 12-Step calls itself a 'program’. The program publishes directions and they are simple. This program got a whole lot easier for me when I stopped trying to understand anything and just started following directions. It was a real gift and a joy and blessing to work with another DA member on these beginners basics. It was a delight to witness someone have that breakthrough realization: 'Trying to understand why we debt is not of value in stopping it.' Embroider that on a sampler, write it in lipstick on your bathroom mirror, put it on a post-it on your dashboard. WHEW! "Following directions;" what a refreshing idea.
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4/1/20 - Spiritual Steps 4 through 9 in relation to the DA Tools:
In my experience, the tool of PRG's IN GENERAL frightened me because certain PRG givers spoke to me like I have to obey what was only actually suggested.
When I have compiled my numbers - STEP 4, have a PRG - STEP 5 (only with 2 "other human beings,") then get sent home with the tool of an action list...that is STEP 8 work. My problem has been, when I have been sent home from a PRG with an action list, and my PRG sounds TO ME like they are trying to exact a promise from me that I will do all of the items, I get paralyzed with fear. I've gotten home with a 'to do' list but without any spiritual guidance, strength, courage or willingness from Higher Power. I have learned over time in DA, to remember to take the prayer steps after PRG's as if this were any other step working situation.
I reread pages 69-71 in the AA big Book and look at the "Ask - God's" on the second half of p 69 and all of p 70. I write a STEP 4 Harms inventory about any PRG matter, pray the prayers, reread what I wrote, give it away to another human, STEP 5, and then sit in prayer as suggested in AABB on bottom of page 75 and all of page 76. STEPS 6, 7.
Then ask God to help me decide what to do and write whatever guidance comes up. STEP 8a
Then pray for willingness, courage and strength from God to follow the guidance. STEP 8b
Fortified by those layers of prayer, my decisions are God directed, better guided, and I have greater wherewithal to ACT on them.
These are but suggestions. Before doing ANY of this, remember where you met me, (I am just a debtor) and remember what it says on the bottom of p 69 and top of p70 - 'Counsel with others is often desirable but we let God be the final judge.'
In joyful germ-free sanitary serenity - D.D.
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7/26/20 - On Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Experience on taking step 6, being entirely ready to let God have my character defects and step 7 ASKING God to remove my shortcomings. After doing the work of step 4, writing out all the exact nature of my wrong doings, and praying the resentment, fear and harms prayers, taking the suggested quiet time and going to God to ASK to be ready to be healed of all that acting out, and ASK God to remove every quality of mine that I revealed is objectionable...that is the beginning of healing. The longer I am in the 12 step fellowship, the more God reliant I become. I do not have to "white-knuckle" and keep trying to WILL myself to change...that was never effective in any way. I did my work in steps 4 and 5 getting really honest. Then in 6 and 7 I can let God do the work of changing me. It is a pressure relieved.
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8/21/20 - Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
A recovery tool that changed me forever - Freedom from consciousness CRAP - and a SALE this weekend
C.R.A.P - Columns Rows And Prayers, the crap method of taking inventory to release the crap in my consciousness.
As some of you know, because I've shared it before, when I wanted to be healed of my relentless raging anger it occurred to me to treat inventories like hidden bottles; if an alcoholic could hide a bottle in every nook and cranny of their house, car and premises, to medicate when "needed," why couldn't I put a notebook to take inventory in every room of my house, my car, my bag and anywhere that I noticed myself angry which was basically everywhere. The first year I started, it was a very hot August and the office supply places had the back-to-school supplies on sale.
ASIDE: Although 12-step recovery neither endorses nor opposes any business I just want to take a personal share and let you know that the Staples office supply business, which is a nationwide business, has spiral notebooks, good for writing inventory, on sale for $0.10 a piece. That sale is going on currently and ends either Saturday or Sunday depending where you live. (Aug 22-23)
My first year trying this, I bought 10 notebooks for a dollar and I put them literally in every room of my house, my bag and my car. The car notebook got the most workout. Every time thoughts were noticed of anger & rage & resentment I wrote a mini one-subject resentment inventory where I headed the columns, AABB p 65, what I resent, first column, the cause, second column, how it was affecting me, the third column and then from AABB p 67 prayed the resentment/sick man prayers. Then I filled in the 4th column where I owned my selfishness, fear, dishonesty and Self seeking pride. If I was scared, worried, concerned or otherwise fearful, I wrote a fear inventory. Again, I wrote the columns, filled in the rows and prayed the fear prayer. AABB page 68. Last of all, if I felt ashamed or guilty or in some way concerned that I was about to cause, or had caused harm, because I knew I was behaving selfishly, dishonestly or in an inconsiderate way, then I wrote a harms inventory. I took the column headings from the middle of p 69 AABB, filled in the rows and prayed the harms prayers, AABB p 69-70. I also had big books placed all around my home and car; cheap ones that I had bought at garage sales and thrift stores, some of which were so used they had highlighting on every page. FYI It was interesting to see other people's highlighting.
Now, with the availability of a downloadable big book all I need to do on my phone is go to AA.org, find the big book online in the PDF section and select the chapters 'How it works' and 'Into action' AABB p 58-88. The step directions are all there; the inventory questions for the columns, rows and prayers start at page 65 and go to the end of chapter page 71.
It may sound fanatical if you've never tried it before ... but me Jill, I was determined to get rid of the smoldering rage and anger and temper-mental illness that was always churning in my insides so every, every time literally every time those angry rage-ful thoughts were noticed, I stopped what I was doing and instead of picking up a "hidden bottle" self -medicator I picked up a notebook in plain sight and wrote out those mini inventories. At first I didn't have a cell phone, but of course now I do. That makes it pretty simple once I've done the writing, prayed and reviewed it to call somebody in program, read what I wrote and admit it to another human being. I don't understand how this works. I just know that it does work and that I'm not such an angry person anymore. The C.R.A.P method is kinda like a spa day for my consciousness - sort of a psychic exfoliate, or mental floss
Anyways it's August again, school supplies are on sale, like I said, and from now; Friday, until Saturday or Sunday those ten cent Staples notebooks ... which 12-step does neither endorse nor oppose ... they were a lifesaver to me. I hope this helps somebody. Love to all.
PS - Oh, one more caveat for debtors whose qualifier is compulsive shopping. I can do a lot of monetary damage in an office supply store; all the pretty colors, crayons, marks-a-lots, glitter pens and so forth. So, if I'm going to the office place for the $0.10 notebooks, intending to buy one, but there is a rebellious child within me that wants shiny play-pretties. If that's the case, I need to bookend before I go into that store so I only spend the amount of money I plan to spend and I only buy the items I plan to buy. I probably need to bookend that with another debt-head like me. Just saying, spend $1-2 and I think I'm in danger of buying more stuff on impulse?
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1/3/21 - Starting or Recommitting to my DA Step Work:
The action that most helps me get and stay committed to my DA program is step study. I love hearing the step material read and re- read. It reminds me what works and keeps my head in the DA game.
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9/4/21 - Prayers:
Hi, I am so glad you requested help and prayer. Here are a few prayers from the steps that helped me. I will pray these for you:
One is the Beginner’s Prayer: Item Two, Just for This Day bookmark:
"God, please remove my compulsion to debt, under earn, or overspend. Help me be willing to go to any lengths not to debt today.”
Another is:
DA Step Three Prayer: DA 12x12x12 19:0
“Higher Power, I stand before you ready to be transformed. I place myself in your hands. Guide me on my recovery path. Remove my compulsive debting, my self-centered fear, and my own self-will. May I shine to others as a beacon of your power. May I choose to remain on your path always.”
Love to you and glad you are here.
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